Sunday, February 05, 2012
Life is a constant struggle - I'm well aware of that...
We always have to choose between the devil & the big blue sea.
I am now stuck in a situation where the decision will impact me & my family greatly.
I have 3 kids. I have a job.
As a working mother, I have to cope between work & family.
This is what most Singaporean mothers are doing now - Yes I know..
My eldest son
Weak in Chinese, English, Maths... and basically everything...
Stubborn & hot tempered.
Listens to no one.
My 2nd boy
Good in his studies, but some problems with this character.
Love to cry whenever we stop him from doing something (like spending the night in his grandpa room).
Which from what I see is a sign of MCS (Middle Child Syndrome).
Recently I notice that he is very obsessed with money.
He would open up my wallet without my permission to see how much money I have inside or go to the cupboard & take some $2 notes that I left in there as their pocket money.
I wouldn't call that stealing because I believe he did it without knowing what he done is wrong.
My Youngest
Typical youngest baby.
Whine all the time.
Bully his elder brothers knowing that the grandparents will, at most, scold him, not hit him.
Nothing much, you would say...
Typical Singaporean kids...
Why should I get so work up?
Another reason that I think requires immediate attention is their daily routine.
They dun do what they should when they reach home from school. Instead, they do what they want.
Causing their grades to suffer drasticallyy(this is true to the eldest).
If reading this far, you still think that I am over-reacting , maybe I should say a little about my childhood. That might make my worries seems more valid.
I am the middle child.
I have an elder sister & a younger brother.
My parents were hoping for a boy when they had me...
But too bad their prayer wasn't answered.
This contributed to their divorce & my mum remarried & had my bro.
My stepfather treated us well.
My mum was treated far better by my stepdad than when she was with my dad.
With a man like this and a son she wished for so long, it does't take any effort for her to forget me.
Things went seriously wrong when I was 12yo.
It became clear at that time I was 'suicidal'.
I did whatever I could to destroy myself, including hurting myself physically.
When my mum eventually 'remember' that she still have another daughter (yours truly),
things already got out of hand.
I was already on my way to that place.
Now, do you understand what I am worried about?
'Quit your job & stay at home to look after them!' - I can already hear you saying.
But with the current standard of living, I am worried that even I cut down all expenses, my hub's salary alone will not be able to make ends meet.
Further more, I don't like the feeling of taking money from anyone.
I enjoy spending the money I work hard for.
Money is evil, If I really stay at home & be a SAHM, I truly believe that hub & I will often quarrel over money issue.
With my kid's well-being on one side & financial stability on the other side, I am well stuck between the devil & the big blue sea...
Labels: Kids, Life, Rants, uncertainties
IcYb3|| counted
snowflakes at 2:01 PM
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I like to take life easy,
but that seems to defy the force of nature.
So here I am, struggling day after day,
trying to make life easier for me & my love ones.
I try to love everyone around me
But I am no saint.
I'm working hard on it.
I love my family.
I love everything I have.
I am extremely stubborn.
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