//...winter...\\

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

It has been a long long time since I feel happy.. Ever since I got married, my life is filled with unhappiness. I got scolded for nothing. My husband treat me like shit! No one cares for me. They only want me to sacrifice for this family.. I cannot say no.. If i dun agree to it... They'll say I"m selfish.. They'll scold me... They'll say I'm irresponsible. Trying to shirk responsibilities. They'll never scold their precious son... No matter what he do, he's always in the right... I'm always in the wrong!!

Is it because I'm not their own flesh & blood, thats why they're treating me like this??? Then i pray to god that they'll have a daughter in the future. Near future, far future... Or even if it's in the future life... I dun care.. Let them have a daughter.. And see how they will feel if their daughter is being bullied by others...

I'm really blind to marry this kind of person... If he is not ready to be tied down by a family, den why must he insist that i give birth to the baby??? Or did he??? I dunno... He's been giving me false hope all these years.. Sometimes i really dunno if he can be trusted.. He only care abt himself... He never give a damn abt this family. Even when I'm sick, he will also not be good to me!!!! He never love me before!!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:40 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006

Class starts tml.. At PSB academy(Toa payoh). Feeling a bit excited.. The last time i went to school was when I'm 15 yrs old. I was still in secondary 2 den... The course i sign up for is CBA. But i hope one day I'll be like my sister, able to study for a degree.

Sometimes i find that human beings are really very funny.. They only look for things or treasure things when it's already lost... Just like me.. I study well in school. My results were good. But i didnt like studying. Until now... When I'm in my twenties... Married with two kids... den i know the importance of studying...

Let's hope I'll be able to cope with the studying life.. Juggling working, studying life, n my times with my sons is not easy at all... Just hope i wont go crazy one day~~ May God Bless Me!!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:43 PM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

I have changed a new job. Working as a clerk in a stainless steel company. New in this trade, feeling abit scared... Scared that i wont be able to do the job well. But so far, I can still cope with the work load. My workplace is only 10mins walk from my house... So near!!! I start wrk at 8a.m. I can leave home at 7.45a.m... N reach there before my boss comes in... Kekez~

The company I'm working in is a very small company. No GST, no tax.. No nothing... All i have to do is to count the exact amount.... Quite easy actually. This is the first time i work as a clerk. Actually i dunno hw to type any quotation or any other things, but thanks to my Aunt Emilin... She is always there when i need her... Even though I'm quite troublesome at times.. She still sacrifice her free time with her daughter and teach me patiently. And also to thank my little cousin(sister) for cooking food for me to eat whenever I went over to her house( she's only 11yrs old & is already a very good cook!)

Now with more time to spare, I can spend it all with my sons. Now trying to teach them using flash cards. To let them learn words n to train their memory... But i have to learn the correct way to teach them from uncle Dean. My uncle Dean is married with a son. 20 days older then my youngest son. And that little boy is very clever!!! Abt 2 months before he turn 1 yrs old. He started talking. Now, 2 months before he turn 2 yrs old, he already knows how to recite poems written by Lee Bai( an ancient chinese poet) very clever, right???

How I wish that my sons are as clever as my cousin. But what u reap is what u sow. My uncle teach him since he's a baby... When other ppl thought that babies tat age dont understand a thing... If i have another baby in the future, I will definitely use the way my uncle teach his son to teach my child even before he/she is born...=)

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 2:48 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Just read my sister's blog. She was talking on this '$400 solution' issue. She was so angry with the blog her frenx wrote on this issue. Not only her, I am also very angry now!

In the blog, the writer says that it's stupid for single mother to give birth to their child. They could jolly well choose the '$400 solution'(which is abortion). Why do they choose to give birth to the kids and breed 'delinquencies & potential future criminals'???

In my point of view, delinquencies & potential future criminals do nt necessary comes from a single family. Those rich n powerful, with a proper nucleus family do breed these kind of kids too... So why do ppl out there have to condemn single mothers??? I find single mothers worth our respect more then others... They are a bunch of ppl who is willing to face to the music rather then be a ostrich n choose the so call '$400 solution'. Single mothers are willing to sacrifice their time, their money, their freedom, their energy, their everything jus to bring the tiny being to this world. What's wrong with that??? Why shld those ppl out there look down on them???

I'm a mother myself. I have 2 sons age 3 yrs n 20 mths. I know hw hard is it to be a mother.. Even when i have my mother in law to help, I'll still find it stress to look after them sometimes. Single mothers have to go through this kind of stress alone!!! Aren't they brave???

It's already bad enough that the government wont help them. Shouldn't we be easy on them?? Why cause them unnecessary stress??? You flip thru the pages on the newspapers n will sometimes see news on new born being chucked down the rubbish bin. Have u asked yourself why do these mothers do this kind of things?? In my point of view, I think it's because of the "unseen" stress that the public put on them. If we try to be less hostile to these bunch of ppl, i think these kinds of tragedies will not happen den...

I'm poor in English, so I cant really express what i want to say. But to whoever out there... If you have any 'brilliant' solutions next time that you cant wait to tell the whole world, pls stop n think why the others didnt use the solution u tot of at the first place. It's always good nt to be a too-smart alack!!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:26 AM

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Another 6 mths to 21 yrs old.. Still thinking of how to celebrate my birthday. Tot of going aboard. But cant settle on which place to go. The places i wanna go are all too expensive. So i can only settle on those economic ones.

Now I'm choosing between Australia, Thailand, n Taiwan. Still cant make up my mind on where to go... But between these 3 places, the one i wanna go most is Taiwan, follow by australia, den Thailand.

There's alot of thing in Taiwan. The clothes, the food... The places where you can visit.. WOW!!! The list seems endless...

But I have to see if i can save up enough money to go taiwan... N whether i am able to apply for leave or not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lazy Saturday.. Nothing to do... Slacking at home... SianX~

Going back to work on Tuesday, 19/9. Dont feel like going to work. Hate the ppl there. The masseurs sux! The customers sux! The management sux! N the best is even the supervisor sux to the max!!!

They depend on me for everything. I wonder if one day i quit, what will happen to the whole shop??? The masseurs there doesnt know what is customers service. The supervisor either! All they know is to look for the "lightest" job to do. N lie n coax to get the customers to take up package, so they'll have commission. And the current management only knows how to hire those who knows how to sweet-talk. These ppl are just like rubbish. Compared to the previous batch of masseurs n management staff we have, the batch is totally gone case. More useless then rubbish. Rubbish still can be recycled, but these ppl cant do anything at all... Just the mere thought of it make me feel disgusting!!! If not for the fact that they are paying me higher then other Receptionist in other outlets n Christmas n New Year is just round the corner, I would definitely quit this job now. It's damn Fu*kUp!!!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:38 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Hate it!!!

What is a family actually??? Why everybody seems to be taking me as a maid???

I can do a million thing the whole day. But if my mother in law saw somwthing that she doesn't like... or let's put it this way... If i did alot of thing on the particular day, but i did not do only one thing, She will keep nagging and criticising me... I can do a million good. But if i only do one f*cking thing not to their standard, den my ears will suffer for the rest of the day.

There's so many things to do everyday. Especially with 2 kids ard, the list of thing to do is more then ever.... She expect me to do everything in one short day... I even have to look after the kids, cook for them, bath them, entertain them, n pat them to sleep... I'm a human being too!!!

She can leave whatever there is to do to the next day if she's tired. But i cant! I have to finish everything by the end of the day!

Her precious son can sleep till evening time on off days. Need not look after HIS OWN KIDS. Neither will she scream or shout or scold him... But if i Sleep till after 9am on my off days, she'll scream her head off!!!!!! What the f*ck man!!!

Is it because I'm someone else's daughter, nt one she bore herself, that's why she have to treat me like that?! I'm just 20 yrs old. I can jolly well be like those young mothers. Irresponsible, demanding, & be everything but take care of my kids. But i did not... I look after them on my off days, discipline them, teach them things. But why no one appreciate it??? No one understand what I'm going thru???

If you think this is worse enough... There's more!!!

My dearest hubby, who is 4 yrs older then me... is no better then his own mother...
He takes me for granted... is a big big spendthrift.. One who dont plan for his future... And a big big bully!!!!

He never brings me out for dinner on my birthday, valentines day, christmas.... etc. Any occasion at all!!!!! I can spend all my money on him or do anything for him, but he wont be greatful. He thinks that these are what i shld do!!!

Whenever I'm being bullied by his family, he'll just sit aside and do his thing.. Act as if nothing happened. I understand that one side is his wife, another side is his parents. He is also in a dillema. I dont expect him to scold his parents or do anything to his parents for me... I'm also a mother... I know if he does all these, it will definitely break his parents heart. All i need is him to come over n console me, lent me listening ear n listen to what i gotta say. He never do any of the above before...

I'm his wife... Imet him when i was 16. Married him before i turn 17. Bore him 2 sons at the age of 19. Sacrifice all my frenx, my money, my time, my energy to look after him n his 2 sons. What the hell do i get i n return???

THIS KIND OF F*CKING TREATMENT!!!

FREAK!!! Why must this kind of thing happen on me??? If i'm like one of my frenx wife's pattern. And he treat me like this, i've got nothing to complain abt. But i did nt!!! I do my best n do my part to this family... Why must they still treat me like this???

Frenx my age, some even older then me are leading a life far more better then me. They have the looks, the figure, money... Everything they want... ME??? I have no looks! No figure! No money!!! Nothing!!!!!!! Why???? All because of this family!!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 9:02 PM

So tired... Slept very little these few days... Have to wake up n look after the kids in the morning... Haiz...

Watching movies with my brother now... Tom Yum Goong starring Tony Jaa. A Thai Actor.. It's a action movie. Fighting most of the time.. The male lead in this movie is like a "bone-breaker". He breaks whoever's bone who fight with him... Nice show... It's abt this guy's father got killed while tryin to protect 2 elephants from being shipped to sydney. On his deathbed, he told his son to go search for the elephants...

At last, he found them. But one was dead..
They killed the bigger elephant for his bone..

It's quite a nice movie. Anyone who likes action movies, will definitely like this movie too...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 6:55 PM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Saw him last night @ the S-11 near my house. He's with his GF.
Dun really feel anything when i saw him... Jus "OMG!!! Why must i see him here!!!"

My sons are so cute... They are growing up really fast... In no time, they'll be schooling... den serving their NS... Den they'll find their dream gal n get settled down. And they'll need me no more... By then I'll be able to have my freedom back n do whatever thing i want....

Is that really what i want???

I dunno...

Im scared... Actually...
I'm scared that when my sons grow up, they'll chucked me aside like how we all would chuck a bag of rubbish down the rubbish chute.

I've put in too much effort and time to nurture them.. Take care of them... I'm afraid that they might just leave me alone when they grow up.

I talked to my husband abt this subject before..
He said we're still young...
I'll be less den forty when they are deem adult.
I can still give birth to another baby n take care of it... So I'll nt think too much when this kind of thing actually happens...

But how can i not think??
My kids = my life
If they choose to neglect me, den I'll have no more life...

Maybe I'm thinking too much...
This kind of thing will nt necessarily happen on me...
Maybe we'll still be the same like now... As usual.. No change...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 8:49 PM

Today my @RieS helped me with the setting of my blog. Haha... She teach me till she almost puke out blood... ~oh! My *ke lian de* @RieS~

Sadly, many things had happened lately... Luckily, none was as bad.

Hopefully, life can be smooth sailing for my me n my loved wans...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:17 PM