//...winter...\\

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I know, finally, what I'm unhappy about. The reason behind my emotional roller coaster and the reason his image kept popping into my mind uninvited recently. To me, act of service is my love language. I believe that when u love someone, u r willing to do everything for that person. Joe doesn't agree on this. He sees this as a kind of dependence. He doesn't like it when I request for 'act of service' as he feels that I'm too dependent on him to get things done. And the difference in value causes us arguments often. Nearly 8 yrs into our marriage, mutual understanding becomes a puff of smoke. I dun understand him any more than he understand me. (But if that's the case, what keep our marriage going?) I would say 'the kids' took up 80%, and the inability to live another life other than the current one accounts for the rest keep us together. We're too used to each other. From the time we stepped into adulthood, both of us are there for each other. The thought of living apart is alien to us both. Thus, the fear stopped us from leaving each other. I dunno if this is what 天长地久 is all abt. If it is, I would say it involves a substantial amount of sacrifices. Though some are hugh sacrifices, but, at least, with our current situation, it keeps us in check. (We're still here to fulfill our responsibilities as parents..) As for the image part, let me think again to see if my reasoning makes sense. I think I'm starting to write incoherently. A troubled mind can never think straight....

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:01 PM

Sunday, January 16, 2011

If you notice my FB status these few days, it's all either about Travis worsen mother tongue or about smoking cessation.

Yes, these are the 2 things thats is the center of my attention now.
Not my studies, not my work, but these 2 things.

The Chinese tutor said that Travis will hv to take K2 standard i/o P2 standard.
Yes, that may sounds exaggerating to most ppl but not to me.
Last few days, we try to make him converse with us in mandarin.
He was reluctant to do so initially saying that he dun know how to speak in mandarin neither does he understand anything in the language.
After some encouragements and a few tries, he manage to say a few sentences with funny accent.
Hub and I are determine to improve his chinese before he progress to P3 next year.
If appropriate measures are not taken, we can expect to 'see red' for his Chinese tests every time.

As for quit smoking , I haven't touched a cigarette for about 10 days.
I'm proud of myself this time.. truly proud!
Because when I say I didnt touched cigarette for 10 days, I really mean not even once TOUCHED the cigarette for the whole 10 days, neither do I have any THOUGHTS or URGE of picking up the cigarette the whole time.
Though this might sound corny, but I must really thank my sis for introducing that website to me.
It better prepare me and answer all doubts I have during this cessation period.
2 weeks of cessation and I'm considered a 'graduate'.
This means that after 2 weeks (of not touching even a single stick of cigarette), all nicotines will be flushed out of my body together with other chemicals that made me hooked on cigarette.
I will be out of withdrawal state completely and I will not yearn for anymore cigarette (or nicotine, in actual case).
I will be completely out of the devils crib then!

Yes, I know I have said 101 times that I want to quit smoking and always go back to smoking within a month.
But I am serious everytime.
I hope that this will be my final try and I will succeed doing it.
Bless me!!!

I have been quit for 1 Week, 2 Days, 12 hours, 5 minutes and 33 seconds (9 days). I have saved $97.88 by not smoking 190 cigarettes. I have saved 15 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 1/7/2011 6:31 AM

Labels: Kids, Life

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 6:18 PM

Monday, January 10, 2011

Grenade - Bruno Mars

Easy come, Easy go,

that's just how you live

oh, take take take it all,

but you never give.

Should've know you was trouble,

from the first kiss, had your eyes wide open,

why were they open?

Gave you what I had and you tossed it in the trash,

you tossed in the trash you did,

to give me all your love is all I ever asked, 'cos,

What you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for you

Throw my head on a plate for you

I'd jump in front of a train for you

You know I'd do anything for you.

Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain,

take a bullet straight through my brain,

yes I would die for you baby,

but you won't do the same.

No, no no no.

Black black, black and blue,

beat me 'till I'm numb,

tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from,

Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are,

yeah, you'll smile in my face,

then rip the brakes out my car.

Gave you what I had and you tossed it in the trash,

you tossed it in the trash yes you did.

to give me all your love is all I ever asked,

cos, What you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for you

Throw my head on a plate for you

I'd jump in front of a train for you

You know I'd do anything for you.

Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain,

take a bullet straight through my brain,

yes I would die for you baby,

but you won't do the same.

If my body was on fire,

ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames,

You said you loved me, you're the liar,

'cos you never, ever, ever did baby.

But darling, I'll still

catch a grenade for you

Throw my head on a plate for you

I'd jump in front of a train for you

You know I'd do anything for you.

Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain,

take a bullet straight through my brain,

yes I would die for you baby,

but you won't do the same.

No you won't do the same,

You wouldn't do the same,

ooh, you never do the same,

no no no no.

Labels: Songs

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:56 AM

Last few days have been different. Or should I say the last one week is different?

From the last day of 2010, I have been having serious cough and flu that wouldn't go away even after 2 visits to the doctors and 1 complete course of antibiotics.

Sis commented that maybe it's a sign for me to stop smoking after I posted about my plight on FB.

That few days were hell!
The constant coughing, the phlegms that were choking me waking me up from sleep and the pain I felt on my chest. I thought that was the start of the end of me.
Knowing something must be done to stop the suffering, I thought I should either jolly-well stop smoking or I might as well start digging my own grave.
With the hope to spend a few more years with my precious', i chose the former without any hesitation.

Sis showed me a book, Freedom from Nicotine - The Journey Home by Joel Spitzer, prior to the cough and flu attack.
It is an ebook made available on Whyquit.com to help smokers like me to give up this nasty habit.
Not sure if it's due to the past experience or the knowledge this book bring forth, or the combination of both, cessation seems a lot more easier this time round.
I know what to expect during and after cessation and thus I am now better prepared to handle situations which probably would cause me a relapse in the past.

Today is the 3rd day of cessation and is expected to be the worst day during the cessation period.
According to Joel, I can expect to have the worst craving today.
Joel wrote in his book:

The brain makes substantial progress in reversing tolerance-induced de-sensitivities within 72 hours of ending all nicotine use. Withdrawal anxieties will peak, begin to diminish and the worst will be behind you.

After today, everything will be easier.
I hope I am able to stop this nasty habit of mine this time.
The many-attempts to do so previously had slowly taken its toll on me.
Once, I thought I could never have the courage to go for another attempt again and would be enslaved forever to cigarette - a terrible mistake i made as a child.
At least, now, I am motivated to try again and is much better prepared than before.
I really hope that this time it would be a lifelong success. =)

Labels: Life, medical problems, uncertainties

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:34 AM

Saturday, January 01, 2011

我对一切的一切感到厌倦。我不想再理，不想再去管。就让一切顺其自然。

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 11:43 PM