Sunday, December 04, 2011

我一直在想人与人之间的关系到底是怎样的。


身为母亲的照顾、疼爱孩子是本分, 是天经地义的。
但是为什么有些母亲却生下了孩子后便想尽办法置他于死地?更狠心的便用尽所有办法把孩子折磨致死。
这中间又是一种什么样的关系?


‘世上只有妈妈好, 有妈的孩子像个宝, 没妈的孩子像根草’


我有个母亲。
据我所知,在我年幼时是他每天打三份工,长时间的工作养我们姐妹俩的。
照理我和我母亲的关系应该是很好的 - 因为我母亲肯为了养活我们而辛苦工作,牺牲了他那宝贵的青春。
她也应该是很可怜的 - 因为需要长时间的工作而不能在想见到孩子的时候见到他们。那种心情, 虽说不是什么生离死别,但也不是什么好感觉。
但是在我懂事以来我就没有被母亲疼爱的感觉。
相反的我总觉得我母亲是讨厌我的。
从我懂事以来,我就有一个疑问;我是不是我母亲和父亲亲生的?


长大后我也找到了答案,我当然是我母亲亲生的。
但是如果我是他亲生的,那她为什么这些年来都这样对我?
我一直以为是因为我不听话,我本性坏,所以我应该得到这种对待。
从十二岁开始,我就认定我这辈子是得不到家人的疼爱。
我甚至一度的相信我是个烂人,以后会不得好死。
毕竟连生我的母亲都那么讨厌我, 我还能得到什么好下场。。。


在我二十岁以前我是不懂什么是‘家庭’的。
是我家婆教了我什么是家庭,身为人母和人妻是得要尽什么责任的。
那时开始我才觉得我是活着的。
也是因为我家婆对我的关心和疼爱,我才有我今天的成就。
虽然算不上什么大成就,但认识我的人会了解为什么我会那么样说。
我开始对我以前所相信的事有了很多疑问。
这些疑问在时间流矢的过程中找到了答案。
而这些答案让我对我母亲很不谅解,对他的埋怨日以增加。


到了今时今日,我还是处于在很疑惑,很矛盾的阶段。
我不希望为我的疑惑再找到任何答案。
我只希望我能放下我对我母亲的怨恨。


抱着怨恨过日子是一种对自己的惩罚。
我不想再惩罚我自己了。。。 

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IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:16 PM

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