//...winter...\\

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I dunno what's happening to me?!

I feel so emo the whole day!

Bro told me something today which makes me feel so....

I dunno how to describe the feeling in words...

Angry, disappointed, betrayed..... etc.

I asked bro - Am I that detestable??

Am I like what my sis said - unreasonable?

Hubby said not to bother about what they said.

He says nothing good will come out from the mouth when two are quarreling.

I agree totally...

But I still don't feel good about it.

The whole day I'm only thinking of one thing - Interpersonal relationship.

I quarrel with Yuhui & my sis because I really care about them.

In the end I'm being make out as if I'm like some kind of insensitive monster.

If this is the price I have to pay, I don't see why I should carry on like this.

I voice out whatever thing because I worry/care about you, but how you describe me to others behind me??

I feel betrayed!

I'm tired of everything.

Why am I doing so much for?

It's OK if I'm not appreciated, but not when I was being made out like a monster.

I feel so weak mentally.....

So tired...

我什么都不想管了。。。

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 9:42 PM

Constant sturggle within self - when will such feeling go away??

人永远都不知足。。。

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 12:09 PM

Friday, February 26, 2010

Great! Arranged for my sis to visit her beloved grandma amidst my busy schedule and what I get in return?
Fine...
Said that I can't treat others the way I treat Shernice and my hubby...
Fine...

This is not the first time this kind of thing happen, anyway..
It's always you are right and everybody else in the wrong.
When people try to explain/justify their action, you say they are being unreasonable..

Great! That's just brilliant!!!

You said you are not feeling well, you were busy that day, that's why you dun wanna go.
But have you thought of us?

Joe gotta work that night, night shift.
He didn't sleep well the previous night.
He could have just return home and sleep till 10pm and go to work.
We were busy that whole afternoon in our new house doing cleaning up & stuff.
Can you imagine how tired we were when we reach home?
I brought my office laptop home, too.
Reply emails and do whatever is required as I do the cleaning up.
You are busy, aren't I too?
But just becasue you once mentioned that you wanted to visit grandma, so I made the arrangements.
Don't tell me craps like I did it for myself but use you as a shield and stuff.
Think! You are the one closer to them.
If Pa didn't brought us back the other time, they would only be strangers in my life!

I knew what you were up to.
But I just want a confirmation, that's why I call you using my office phone.
You said that you just want to make your point known, and do not appreciate any explaination.
Do you think that's fair to me?
You say I can't treat everyone like that, then how about you?

You expect everyone to be sensitive to your feeeling, but have you ever being sensitive to others?

Fine, you are the big sister.
Whatever you say are edicts - irrevocable!

I'm not an actor, I don't know how to act!
This is me, the REAL me!!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:11 PM

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Aries got a funny theory - it's alright to stray... mentally

I think this is something new to me as I was instill the kind of mindset that straying mentally and/or physically is wrong.

But then again, different people see things in different view..

So Aries is not at all wrong..

Supposed to meet my classmates for a movie this afternoon, but too bad Eliza is not free, so the whole thing was cancelled. SMS da ge this morning to inform him of our meet up venue, but he replied saying he will not be coming because he is still in CASINO!

Lolx!~

He said he has been there for 14 hours... and what?

He lost $1.8k.

Good, rich man!

Enjoy losing =X

Hubby will be starting his night shift next Wednesday.

Haiz.. I'll be so lonely at night when the time comes..

Sad=(

Who wants to spend the night with me??

I'll welcome you! Hahaha! !

Boring boring Saturday!

I wanna go k-session tonight...

Anyone wanna go with me??

Sian..

Gotta get ready to grandma hse..

Update again when I'm free..

Tata~

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 5:06 PM

Thursday, February 18, 2010

CNY – Totally no mood this year. Had 2 rounds of mahjong with Da ge & mummy and lost a total of near to $100. the largest contribution goes to Da Ge – lost a total of $76!!!

2nd & 3rd day of CNY – spent my afternoon at home/visiting and the night having GT. Not much improvement, my max is still 1 round at a go. The rest of the 2 round, I’m basically half running-half jogging.

Did not eat much of the New Year goodies, I even skip my favourite prawn crackers fried by my MIL. Big sacrifice, huh?

Aries have got some prob with her hub. She doesn’t wanna tell me what happened but directed me to a ‘place’ where I can find out what happened. I almost fainted when I read thru that thing~ It was….. too much a shock! But then again, I can understand why his hubby do this, though the reason is not at all valid.

Hubby will be on night shift starting next week, all the way till mid April. Good for me, I will spend half of the night imagining the monster coming in from the front door and eat everyone up! I’m scared of dark lahx!!! Who wanna come acc me sleep at night???

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 9:20 AM

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I miss him... terribly~

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:02 PM

Monday, February 15, 2010

Same routine as previous years..
Went over to granduncle's house before we head over to Joe's auntie's house.

While waiting for cab to Joe's auntie house, Joe commented that the people present this year seems a lot lesser.. I told him I noticed that too.. He doesn't know the reason why, but I do.

The same time last year, granduncle was still in the house. Cooking curry, playing mahjong, cracking jokes, calling me fatty (yes, that's what he called me everytime he saw me), disturbing the kids, etc.. But this year, there's only his widowed wife and her sister in the kitchen, cooking for us. No more curry, no more loud laughters caused by granduncle's joke... No more nothing...

It hurts to even be there. His presence is everywhere in the house. Everywhere I turn, there'll be something to remind me of him.. I can't believe that he's gone... just like that.

The pain...

Labels: Life

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:18 PM

Why show me a face whenever I meet my frenx?? Why always say things that hurt me and expect me to rub your ego?? Why be jealous of a guy I've known less than 2 months? I know it's because you feel insecure, but why?? If u think you've treated me nicely, why shld u feel insecure???

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 2:27 PM

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The chinese furtune tellers predicts that those who are born in the year of Tiger will have a turbulent year this year. I dunno if it's true to the others, but it's definitely starting to go this way for me. The last Year of Tiger I had, I got into tons of trouble. That was the worse year I ever had. It still send shivers down my spine just thinking about it. I dunno if I can still ride through such rough times now....

Peaceful valentines day. Too peaceful. Had a cup of red wine this afternoon - courtesy of John, and slept thru the whole afternoon. Woke up at 8pm and had my dinner, then go about my usual routine. No flowers, no presents, just a 'Happy Valentines Day' from Dear dear. It's enough.. I mean the greeting. I have no mood for CNY and Valentines day this year.. Totally no mood.. Maybe because, as predicted by those fortune tellers, things hasn't been going smoothly for me since the start of the year. Work, health, lovelife. Nothing at all...

Hubby has been jealous of my social life since a group has been formed to do our school project. The group, including me, has got 4 female & 1 male. That male's name is Alvin, rest of the females are Eliza, Shermeen & Mellissa. My groupmates are all fun-loving people. Even Melissa, the quietest of all, likes to crack jokes at times. We're very close.. Hubby is jealous of the 'closeness' between me and that male. Of course, the females are not a threat to him. So he couldn't be bothered by the fact thatI'm close to everyone and not just the male alone.. And that often causes misunderstanding between us.

Hubby thought I feel for Alvin. I tried to explain that the often meeting up, not only with him but the whole group, is due to the approaching deadline of our 2 reports. But he is not convinced. He thinks it's always me and him... I find it so funny... I told hubby with my looks, my figure, my status, who would want go out with me? I mean if I'm pretty or I have good figure like my sis or maybe I have none of the aforesaid but I'm still single, then maybe... But the problem is that i fit into none of those.. So, you tell me, who in their right mind, would want to go out with me??????
I'm tired of explaining, so I'm not going to do that anymore. I'll just let nature take its course... Action speaks louder than words, he will understand one day....

I have been trying to lose some weight. Partly is because I wanna look better. However, the main reason is because of my health. I feel like my heart is over-working half of the time, and will occasionally experience minor pain. I dun wan to be in the 'heart ache group' at such young age and I think I should start doing something about it. I've started to cut down on carbo - as a measurement to weight control. And I'll also try to some exercse 4-5 times per week, mainly Jogging and swimming, to strengthen my heart (in a way).

Gotta go now..

Labels: Life, marriage, uncertainties

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:05 PM

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

1st day of our 3 weeks short break & I’m starting to miss my classmates already. They’re such fun-loving people and it’s due to them that I look forward going to school every lesson!!!

If you are in my frenx list in FB, you would probably know that I have posted lotsa craps lately regarding ‘Love’. Yes, I am in trouble with ‘love’.. But as always, I will not let it destroy my life.

Joe starting work soon. Dunno what shift will he be working.. Hopefully morning shift so we will have more time together. I felt disturbed by the fact that he is a hardcore gamer. I hate that! And I think it’s hurting this marriage. I can let him have his way now since he is not working.. But I’ll definitely stand my ground if he does the same when he starts on his new job!

I was thinking about this family thing…And slowly one thought led to another and before I knew it, my mind was already on ‘extramarital affairs’. I always thought married woman who have extramarital affairs are immature, greedy, promiscuous, etc… But then, after a single incident, I realized that not all women are like this. More often than not, most women are being ‘pushed’ into such situation byt their husband. Abusive, irresponsible, jealous, inattentive husbands ‘push’ their wives into the arms of another man.

You know.. Couples fight.. So when we fight, I often wonder why am I so stupid as to let a guy who don’t appreciate me to tie me down for life. I know I will never want a divorce. I can’t imagine my son without a father!! Sometimes I just wanna break free of everything and live my own life. But I know this will eat my conscience forever. I will never forgive myself if my boys lead a less than perfect life in future because of what I did!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:05 AM

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Did a simple prayer ritual prior to renovation works hoping everything will go smoothly...

Selected the tiles.. Did almost everything.. Contractor said it will be rdy by this coming Friday. Can't wait to see a complete house.. My OWN house!!!!!

Feeling emo recently... I dunno why.. Not because of the monthly thing, I know... Sometimes I hate to blog.. Blog is a 'place' where u can pour your heart out. But still, I can't write whatever is bothering me.. Those that truly bothers me are things that is not easy to express in words...

To be continued~

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 6:27 PM

Selecting the floor tiles tomorrow..
Reno works will start on Tuesday.. The contractor, my primary school classmate's father, promised everything will be done by Friday.
I can't wait!!!!!!!

The excitement - I can hardly contain!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 2:53 AM