//...winter...\\

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

*yAwNzzZzzZzzz*

So tired.. didn't slept well last night.. This morning wake up kena scolded by my mil.. =( Also dunno scold for what.. Oh ya.. Because of the stupid SCV. Eversince we change it to the new set top box, it has been giving us problems... ~Angry~ Not with my mother in law.. But the stupid set top box ~*hmmph*~

Yan is still running a fever.. Luckily it's not as high as a few days back.. Dunno why my baby is so weak... Always fall sick... It really pains my heart to see him like this..

If he is still having a fever this friday, maybe might have to admit him into the hospita again.. to check if the bacteria in the lungs is back. Can see that the amount of phlemgs in his lungs has increased.. dunno why like this.. Haiz~

New year is just ard the corner.. But no mood for new year... Same thing every year... dun like to go out and entertain those relatives.. Rather stay at home and sleep...

Relationship between me and hubby is much better then last time... At least we do discuss the problems when we have one.. And not like the past, keep everything bottled inside..

Hope a whole new year will bring a whole new start.. Hope everything will be better this year...

p/s: 同事们说今天可能会拿花红。。。好期待哦！！！

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:16 AM

Monday, January 29, 2007

Went to st james with my sisters, my hubby & my bro last night. Went there to celebrate Ferlyn's birthday... We went to power house. But stayed there less then half an hour, then we hop over to MU. Power house is too pack and we find the sevice there not up to standard.

Taken a few photos @ st james with our handphones. These 2 pics above are just part of it. One was taken with Ferlyn inside Power House and another was taken outside Tiger Live with my hubby.

Reached MU @ about 1.30am and party till About 4.30am. But didn't really enjoy last night. Too many things happened. First it's between my AiAi & her bf, then it's between me and another stranger .Dunno what came over me last night. I almost hit a man with the liquor bottle if my god bro didnt stop me. Maybe had a drink too much and couldn't think straight... I wasn't like that usually...

We drank alot. Martell & Hennesy... Mix together and drink.. Taste a bit wierd... But still ok... At least i wasn't too drunk... Just high.. That might be the last time i chiong.. Not going to chiong anymore... Dun feel like leading this kind of life... Wan some peaceful life... I think it'll suit me more.. My boys are growing up and i dun wish to let them see me like this.. It's best that i can stay at home more with them..

Just received letter from HDB, inviting us over to HDB Hub @ TPY to choose a flat on 27 Feb 2007. Excited man!!! Gonna own a house of my own finally!!! ~Yeah!!~

Gotta go sleep le.. Still gotta work tml... Continue when i have more things to write...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:18 AM

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Big news!! Big news!! I have sold my SEw900i away.

So sad... Thst is one of my favourite phone. Or should i say the best phone i had used before. No choice.. Too hard-up for cash.. Gotta sell it off..

The buyer is my neighbour. He bought it from me at a discounted price of $400. Full box, unfilled warranty, original earpiece @ only $400. Worth it man!!! Outside they're selling it @ about $500. Haiz~

So sad.. Now using my hubby's n80. Ltr will be going down to his shop and choose another phone to use... He says that mostly will give me k750i. Not a very good phone, not too bad either... But ok lahx... Better then none...

Save for a few months den see got what phone can buy... Hmmm...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 11:50 AM

Friday, January 26, 2007

我的心好乱。我不懂应该要怎样形容。

Haiz~ That's the bad point of a blog. Can't write too personal things, for fear of secrets leak out.

*Sad* I find that, sometimes, feeling is something we have no control over. I feel so sad. Alot of things we have no control over it. Alot of things we can never have it even though we yearn for it badly. Why is life like that?! I always thought that I'm someone with very strong determination. But when confronted by my own 'devil', I thought otherwise.

I'm sad... So sad...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 8:53 AM

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I am freaking tired!!! Slept at about 5a.m in the morning and woke up at 7.30am for work. I am really very tired!!!!!!!

My baby was admitted to the hospital again due to some chest problem. He is now at Thomson Medical Centre. The facilities there is really good, better then KK hospital. But the charges there is also ~phew-phew~ Estimated bill size of 5 days is about $3500++. It cost about double of kk hospital. But it's service also double of kk hospital.

Luckily i have bought an insurance for him. If not his frequent visit to the hospital would have drain me dry very fast. I really dun understand why this boy is always so sickly??? I took better care of him while i was pregnant compared to my eldest son. But he is the more sickly wan. Haiz~ Why is that so??? I thought of it last night: is it because my eldest son was being 'adopt' by one of the chinese goddess 'ma zhu', that's why he grew up safely & healthily. Is it because Dariz wasn't 'adopted' by any god or goddess, that's why he falls sick so easily??? I dun understand either. I've talked to my mother in law about it and she too thinks that it's better to let him be the godson of one of the gods. Hopefully after this, he will be more healthy.

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 8:43 AM

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

My youngest son is so sick that he just lie down or sleeps on the floor the whole day. I've brought him to a specialist yesterday and the doctor prescribed him some medicine for his condition. His liver and spleen is a bit swollen, according to the doc,and will only recover in 3-6 weeks time. He's much better today, according to my mother in law, he ate a fishball and 2 chwee kuay; which is really great improvment compared to last few days.

My eldst is also sick. He's down with fever and stomach upset. Me and my mother in law is sick too... What a good thing to start the new year with. I'm so stressed up..

I've talked to my boss and request to change to part time for the time being. I guess this will be a win-win situation for us all. I can have the time to look after my son and at the same time, earn my own bread. To be honest, if i just quit my job and let my hubby support the whole family alone, I dun think he'll be able to take it. The bills alone could suffocate you.

I never know being a mother is such hard work. But i dun regret it. Cos' if i never have my sons, I never know how to love. Like what i always says: All i want is them to grow up healthily. I just want them safe and sound.. Pls god, be mercy on them...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 4:56 PM

Friday, January 12, 2007

You're Beautiful-James Blunt

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 3:24 PM

Chinese new year is just around the corner.. Where should i go to shop for my new year clothes? No idea.. Actually I didn't tot of buying new year clothes this year for myself... Find it no point. So tot that maybe I'll just buy a new bag and a pair of shoes... But now... My shopping worms are all crawling inside me making me so itchy for shopping!! After a long time thinking of what to buy, finally I've got the list already...

1) 2 pairs of shoes.
2) Few tops
3) New PC
4) Bag
5) Belt
6) Nail polish
7) New hairdo
8) mp3 player
9) New digital Camera

*This is my shopping list for the time being... Might add or remove some...*

Saturday tml... & new year is just ard the corner.. Gotta stay home and do some spring cleaning... Throw whatever is needed to be thrown and sell some to the garang Guni... Make way for new things... Haha~

Tot of going for new hairdo... But dunno do what... any suggestion???

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 3:06 PM

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Time flies, baby dariz is in hospital for the 6th day already. He's recovering... Body tempreture is more stable then yesterday. Highest for today, so far, is abt 37.9. He can swollow more things now. Last night i fed him Famous Amos and he ate about 2 pieces of them. Doc says that they have to keep him under observation for one more day, if his condition didn't flunctuate again, they might consider discharging him.

Hubby didn't go to work today. He has been staying in the hospital since Monday evening. going home in the afternoon to catch a nap before returning to the hospital to look after baby in the night.

Sometimes i find that I'm actually a very lucky person. I have a mother who is like a best frenx to me, a hubby who always give in to me no matter how unreasonable i tend to be, a mother in law who is willing to offer help whenever i need some. And last but not least, two wonderful sons who never fail to brighten up my day. Having all these people in my life is as good as having the whole world. Though life is hard, but they give me enough strength to continue my journey.I'm really very thankful to them.

I knew my husband on my 16th birthday. People always says 'Sweet 16' and i often wonder why. I realize the reason behind this saying after i knew my husband.

We were very poor then as both of us were not working. we have all the time in the world together but have no money. But we were still very happy then. We never quarrel because of money. He would bring me out to eat whenever he got the money, or we would both stay at home and eat instant noodles.

I got pregnant a few months after we got together. But he is not like other guys i know who'll shirk responsibility and ask you go for an abortion (like what happen to so many of my friends). No, he didn't do that. Instead, he wants me to bring the baby to this world. He was jumping with joy when he know i was pregnant. That was when i knew that he is the one I want to be for my whole life.

We married a few months later when i was 4 months pregnant with my eldest son. Though our relationship took a downturn after we married, and i was like shouting & screaming at him everyday, but never once did he do any unfaithful things to me. He never hit me too. He always keep quite and let me shout at him. He might seems like a coward but actually he is not. He just doesn't want to quarrel with me. He is really a wonderful guy.

Even the nicest piece of jewellery have flaws, much less a human being. He, too, have bad points. Tons of them.. Minor flaws.. But that seems like nothing compare to his good.

Ain't I lucky? You bet! I'm the luckiest woman in the world!!! (or at least that's how i feel...)

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 3:15 PM

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Baby Dariz's birthday is tomorrow, but he is in the hospital right now. So sad....

Hubby took care of him last night while i slept. Really appreciate it. If not, it'll be hell for me. As i got to work in the day, and take care of baby Dariz after work. It's really very tiring. Yesterday, I slept through the whole morning once i reached office. Woke up only after lunch time. Luckily, boss wasn't around.

Called my hubby this morning, he said baby's tempreture has returned to normal and is quite stable since last night. It's really a relieve to hear that. My baby has been running a high fever since he admitted to the hospital. His tempreture has been around 38-40 degree since. Now that the fever has subsided, we just need him to regain his appetite before the doctors gave him the green light to discharge. I think we still have to wait for a few more days.

Poor baby... Become a regular of the hospital at such young age. Wonder why he got to go through this kind of suffering when he's so small. His stomach is bloated due to swollen liver. It's such a heart-aching sight. Sometimes, you'll feel like crying when you see him in this state.

Sometimes i feel like quitting my job and stay at home to take care of my baby wholeheartedly. But it's quite impossible for me to do so. We'll plunge into financial difficulty if i don't work. The bills every month is enough to kill you!!!

Hubby thought of changing job after Chinese new year. That's something worth happy about!!! Cos this job is no good for him. Always got him into stupid trouble. Now that he wants to change his job, I am more then happy. Few of his frenx has already started to ask him over to their company to work after he quitted his job. He did talk to me about some of the offers he got. I try my best to discuss the pros and cons of each job with him. And i also tell him straight that no matter which job he choose to take up, He'll have my full support!

Me too, thought of changing job after chinese new year.. Or maybe get a part time job. Money reall no enough.. Hard life!!!!

It's just the starting of the year and so many things happen. Haiz~ Hope things will make a turn for good after chinese new year.

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:45 AM

Monday, January 08, 2007

My baby is now warded in KK Hospital for EBV. The lymph on his neck, head and behind the throat swell up. The biggest one is about 2cm or more. The swell behind the throat cause him difficulties in eating, hence, lost of weight. He look like those kind of malnutrition babies from africa now. He was so fleshy and chubby and cute before this, but now he is all skin and bone. They put him on the drip now. Whenever he saw the tubing on his hand, he'll point to his hand and tell you 'pain pain'... And he even attempt to pull out the tube a few times. My heart aches when i sees him like this. whenever you sees him looking at you through his swollen eyes, you really feel like crying. And you'll feel like killing the doctor at KK Hospital!!!

I went to the A & E twice, despite the blood test and the x-ray, they reassure me time and again that he was alright. Until i went to a private clinic, then the doc told me that he can be quite sure that it's EBV, and refer us back to the hospital for further check-ups. I am really very disappointed in KK for this kind of thing happened. KK Hospital is a reputable hospital with many good doctors. But why, not for once but twice, your doc at the A&E can't even find the real cause for the swelling of the lympth on my son's neck? They need a refer letter from a private Doctor to tell them what to do. What a joke!!! I told the doc in charge and she can tell me that the treatment plan will be the same regardless of the result they got from the blood test. She even say that the two doctors in the A&E are from the same medicine school and was under the same consultant when they just join the hospital. So their diagnosis is the same. So what? I dun understand... So because of this, your doctors can keep telling us the patient is alright even though he's not? And make us wonder why the swelling keep growing so that we'll keep going back to KK everytime the swelling got bigger? Or are you trying to tell me to forgive the 2 doctors from the A&E department because they were from the same school, under the same consultant and were as incompetent? Or are you telling me that because of this reason, your doctor can need not warn the patient what it might be and its symptoms are for us to take note?

Craps! Isn't it?

I just find the doctors in KK hospital very irresponsible and unprofessional. I am very disappointed in them. I'm adviced to lodge a complaint to the whatever department about this matter. AndI think I'll do just that. And i dun think I'll ever go to KK hospital for the A&E service anymore. I would rather spend more money going to a private doctor who can tell me what is wrong with my son, or at least warn me what it might be, then spending $65+cab fare+time at KK hospital for a doctor to tell me craps!

Pray hard for my baby to get well soon. And all the babies in KK hospital. So that they can get out of that place and free from being some kind of guinea pig for the medical student.

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 1:38 PM

Friday, January 05, 2007

Dear dear brought dariz to a pediatrician today again. but this time we went to a different doc. It's a clinic located at AMK centre(Singapore Baby & Child Clinic). The reason that we choose this clinic is because of one of the doctor there by the name of Dr Verra. He is a very old and experienced doctor. You might not believe it but sometimes he can really do wonders.

I was a very sickly child when i was young. The flu bug and other bugs always caught me. Once i was so sick that i went to the doctor almost every week. So some relatives recommened this doctor to my mum and she brought me there. The doc took a look at me and prescribe some medicine. I was well after that. So whenever i was so sick that no medicine from my family doctor could help, my mum would brought me there and i would be well again after taking the medicine Dr Verra prescribed.
My nephew, too, went to him once after seeing many doctors because of some skin disease when he was a young boy, and after the consultation and some medicine to apply, he never had a relapse again

Sounds miracle?

Not really.. I think the reason that he's so good is because he's more careful when doing the diagnosis. And maybe it's also because he is a specialist in this field.

(Back to my boy)

The doctor took a look at him but he can't be too sure what it is. He said it might be one the followings:

1) EBV (Epstein Barr Virus)
2) Tubercolosis
3) some kind of tissue or something like that
which will go off with the right type of antibiotics.
4) Cancer / Tumour (either lymphtic cancer/tumor or leukemia)

He said that the chances for it to be option no.1 is quite high, but to be on the safe side, it's better that we bring him to the hospital for thorough checkup. So he wrote us a referrel letter to Clinic K @ KK Hospital and ask us to go over immediately.

My mother in law brought him over there in the afternoon. Now they are still at the clinic. I've asked my mother in law to update me when she finish with the consultation. I'm so worried for him. my mind can't settle down since i received my hubby's call this morning. Hope the lump of thing is nothing serious. Hope the doc will tell us that he will be ok after a course of medicine. I'm so worried.. What if the lump is really something serious? What if i lost him??? I'm really very scared. What i can do now is just to wait... Wait... wait... Wait for my mother in law to call me and update me on his condition.

I really hate waiting!!!!

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 11:27 AM

Thursday, January 04, 2007

My baby got a lump on his neck. Brought him to KK hospital twice in a month just to check on what is the lump.

The first time i brought him there, the lump is less then 1cm in size. The doctor assured me that it's normal and many people have it too. He too, said that he have one on his neck. He said that it was due to the medicine that my son took. He said that there will often be a swell or lump on the neck after a course of antibiotics or runny nose medicine. Upon hearing this, i was quite relieved. The doc said that no medication was needed unless the swell got bigger, which doesn't happen often. So we went to the registration counter to take an appointment with the specialist. It was scheduled on the 6 feb 2007.

3 weeks later, which is this week, we found the swell got double bigger, and it's also quite obvious. we were worried sick. So we brought him to the KK hospital once again. The doc did a blood test and chest x-ray(i dunno y she ordered for a chest x-ray instead of a neck x ray as the lump was on the neck), and again said that he was ok except for a minor lung infection. This time she prescribed antibiotics for a week and a bottle of fever medicine, in case my boy have a fever. We took the medicine and then went home.

Last night, when my hubby reached home after his work, he went over to my baby's bed and felt the lump. He said that there are 2 of them now. I got the shock of my life. I counld't even sleep. Toss and turn on the bed till about 4a.m in the morning before i slowly doze off. I woke up at 7.20am for work. Just 3 hours of sleep. Luckily I'm still young and robust, if not i dun think i am able to take this kind of stress.

I dunno what to do now. I tot of bringing him to see another specialist from those private clinic. but he have not finished his course of antibiotics. I'm afraid that i might do him more harm then good if i do that. So now i guess i can only wait for him to finish the antibiotics and see if the lump will go off or not. If still not then i guess I'll bring him to let another doc check on him or i can go back to kk and demand that they do a full check up on him... Any better opinion? Pls tag me...

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 10:53 AM

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A fresh new year, A brand new start!!!

Forget the past and look forward to a bright future.

Time flies.. Really flies too fast. Wow!! In another 2 more years I'll be an old hag. Can you imagine? I'm 21 this year... Others might be looking forward to be 21. But to me, NO!!!

This is a very important year for me. This is the fifth year i'm with my hubby(The first half decade). Hopefully we'll still have many half decade to spend together.

My baby has grown up. He's in N1 this year. In no time, he'll be in primary school, then secondary, then poly/JC, then he'll be a grown up and lead his own life. And I won't be able to hear him waking me up every morning. How I'll miss it!

New year's resolution?

Hmm...

1)Quit smoking(SUCCESSFULLY!!!!)
2)Drink lesser.
3)Club lesser(best will be once a year)
4)Spend more time with my kids.
5)Spend more tiem with my loved ones.
6)Improve on my attitude and my temper.
7)Earn more money den ever!!!

Haha!! Hopefeully i can achieve half of my new year's resolution before the year ends(Starts slow, starts low).

Wah~~

Lunch time le... Continue when i come back!!!

(going home to play with my baby dariz~)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Im back!!! I'm back!!!

So many things to do after lunch.. Finally can sit down and continue with my blog.

Like what i said just now, Start slow, start low. Expect myself to fulfill half of the resolution first. at the same time boost my confidence so i can achieve more harder things easily.

My wish since young is to be a devoted housewife and mummy. But due to the circumstances I'm in right now, I have no choice but to work. Juggling with 3 roles at a time(not forgetting to be a good daughter-in-law too, that's 4 roles altogether!!!) is really not easy. I got to be patient with everything and not blow my top or throw temper like how i used to now. Gotta teach my sons to write and read(a teacher, 5 roles!!), do housework, help my hubby with whatever things he need me, and do my best in my work(so i won't be fired~).. the list goes on. But i guess that's what life is. Unless you can prove that you are useful, you'll be no different from a thrash. That's what i believe. That's also one of my goal- To be a useful person. Do something for my family and the society. Sounds noble? Nope, i dun think so. This is just one of my expectation of myself. And I"m trying hard to work towards it.

I'm actually a 'spoiler', I spoils everybody's fun sometimes. Like what happened last night. My god-brother, boeyven, whom i known for 10yrs met us for supper. As it was his birthday yesterday, my hubby decide to treat him to a meal. So he ask boeyven to order anything he wants and my hubby will just foot the bill. The first thing boeyven wants to eat is crab. I'm a buddhist, as you all know. I believe in Karma and everything. I try not to eat crabs and prawns and frogs and things that are cooked fresh(in a sense that: they are killed because you want to eat them). Buddhist believes that you are actually accumulating sins by eating these animals because they die for you. And the sins, sort of, double up during joyous occasions. So for his good, i persuaded him not to order it. And i succeed!!! Then he said he wants to eat prawns, the same thing happened again. So, in the end, he order cha kway tiao instead and eat it with a 'black face'. So you understand what i mean now? I can really spoil your fun sometimes.. But i really dun mean it. If i know and i dun say, I'll feel really bad about it.

I find everything in this earth are equal. Animals should have equal rights as we human too. But i know that it is not possible. The course of nature is not made in this way. But i just wants to do my part to help though i know what i wish for will never come true.

Lifes' ups and downs can really bring a toll on you. But without the downs, one will never experience ups, and vice versa. So i think it's good to live a up and down life. You learn more, know more and grow up faster. That's a saying in chinese 吃得苦中苦，封为人上人。It means that you'll walk out a better man if you are able to take all ups and downs of life. This is often used to encourage people who are experiencing a downturn of their life. I, too, often encourage myself with this saying when I'm at the down point. You just have to go throught the rough patch of your life to grow up.

I'm in the down point of my life. Hope I'll be able to pull through it. All i need is to live another 20 yrs of hard life, and my good days will come.

My sons will grow up, I'll regain my freedom.

IcYb3|| counted snowflakes at 11:43 AM