Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Life is full of ups & downs.. Everyone knows that.. And i learn to take everything in my stride. Try to live life to the fullest. And try to let those i love know how much i love them. Ever since grandpi's death, life hasn't been kind to me..
I thought for a very long time. Why am i feeling so terrible after grandpi is gone? I've tried my best to be by his side when he was in hospital. And everyone knows that I'm worried for him, I cared for him. And I know that myself too... But why am i feeling so terrible???
Finally, after weeks of struggle, i realised why.
I feel terrible because I had never done my part as a grand-daughter. I spent my times with frenx when i was young. And never once was i by his side when he needed me. Grandpi can sacrifice everything for me, for us... But never once did i sacrifice anything for him. I wasn't even there when he pass away. See... I'm a selfish bitch!!!!
Nothing i do now will help. No matter how i cry, how i blame myself, or what i do, grandpi will never come back to life. I have no chance to make amendments. I will have to live with this regret for as long as i live. Blaming myself, cursing myself all my life... I will never feel good again. Unless i leave Singapore, I will always think of grandpi. We have too much memory together. Everywhere i go, I'll see him holding my hand, walking side by side, enjoying ourselves. He's the one i love most... Though he's dead, but he will always be in my heart.
All i hope now is him to rest in peace.
And if there's really next life... If we really do have reincarnation, I do hope that he'll be my grandpi again. Having him as my grandfather is one of the biggest blessing i got in my life!
GRANDPI, I LOVE YOU!!!!!
IcYb3|| counted
snowflakes at 3:03 PM