Thursday, October 19, 2006
Almost late for work this morning... Woke up at 7.45am when I was supposed to wake up at 6.30am to pray for my grandfather.
Went to visit my grandfather last night. Almost scared to death by my mother… She called at about 7.30pm, was crying in the phone as she told me that my grandfather couldn’t make it anymore… I was almost in a state of hysterical!!! Rush to the hospital as fast as I could. When I reached there, grandpi was on the oxygen mask. And my aunties and uncles, my siblings and cousins were all beside him, praying for him. I joined in and prayed. But left the room shortly to have a drink. I return about 30mins later. At then, only my mum and my aunt Sam was there. We talk to grandpi, hugged him, kissed him. And I held his hand in mine and pray for him… At about 10pm, my mum came into the room and asked me to go back as it was already late. I was still holding my grandpi’s hand then. I wish to stay on longer and accompany grandpi. But I have to rush home to take care of my boys as they were both sick. Before I go, I kissed grandpi’s hand, cheek n his head. And for the first time after so long, I said to him ‘~Gong~ I love you!’. I’m glad I have the chance to say it to him. These three words have been in my heart for so long… It is a big release for me to say it to him. I want him to know that it’s not the whole world against him. There is still someone by his side who truly loves him. Doc says that grandpi left with only 2 days, at most, to live. How far he can go depends solely on his lungs. They have already switch the oxygen level to full blast last night after he showed signs of difficult breathing. If this time, he still can’t get enough oxygen, then there’ll be nothing the docs can do. The condition of his heart is also deteriorating. His kidney has already failed him… All we can do now is to pray for him to pass on peacefully.
Seeing him last night make me feel at peace again. I dun feel as bad as that few days when I was being tied up by a thousand things and couldn’t go to the hospital to visit him. And maybe, it is also because for the first time in these past 2 weeks, I am able to sit by his bedside, hold on to his hand, talk to him, and pray for him. He showed response. When I tell him that it’s me, he held his head up and looked at me. And, if you took notice, you can see his mouth forming the word that is my name, the name he used to call me since I was a child. Though he couldn’t speak and seems unconscious all the time, but I believe that he is still conscious with what is going on around him. And even that it is a sure thing that he will be leaving us in a very short time, but I dun feel so sad now though the time is nearing. It’s not because I have come to terms with it, but I guess it’s because I can see that he is not in as much pain now compared to the last few days; And also for the fact that I am given a chance to sit by his side, and be close to him…. When he goes, part of me will go with him… But I will be strong and live my life to the fullest. Achieve the best I can. So that when he is up there looking down, he will be proud of me…
Went to visit my grandfather last night. Almost scared to death by my mother… She called at about 7.30pm, was crying in the phone as she told me that my grandfather couldn’t make it anymore… I was almost in a state of hysterical!!! Rush to the hospital as fast as I could. When I reached there, grandpi was on the oxygen mask. And my aunties and uncles, my siblings and cousins were all beside him, praying for him. I joined in and prayed. But left the room shortly to have a drink. I return about 30mins later. At then, only my mum and my aunt Sam was there. We talk to grandpi, hugged him, kissed him. And I held his hand in mine and pray for him… At about 10pm, my mum came into the room and asked me to go back as it was already late. I was still holding my grandpi’s hand then. I wish to stay on longer and accompany grandpi. But I have to rush home to take care of my boys as they were both sick. Before I go, I kissed grandpi’s hand, cheek n his head. And for the first time after so long, I said to him ‘~Gong~ I love you!’. I’m glad I have the chance to say it to him. These three words have been in my heart for so long… It is a big release for me to say it to him. I want him to know that it’s not the whole world against him. There is still someone by his side who truly loves him. Doc says that grandpi left with only 2 days, at most, to live. How far he can go depends solely on his lungs. They have already switch the oxygen level to full blast last night after he showed signs of difficult breathing. If this time, he still can’t get enough oxygen, then there’ll be nothing the docs can do. The condition of his heart is also deteriorating. His kidney has already failed him… All we can do now is to pray for him to pass on peacefully.
Seeing him last night make me feel at peace again. I dun feel as bad as that few days when I was being tied up by a thousand things and couldn’t go to the hospital to visit him. And maybe, it is also because for the first time in these past 2 weeks, I am able to sit by his bedside, hold on to his hand, talk to him, and pray for him. He showed response. When I tell him that it’s me, he held his head up and looked at me. And, if you took notice, you can see his mouth forming the word that is my name, the name he used to call me since I was a child. Though he couldn’t speak and seems unconscious all the time, but I believe that he is still conscious with what is going on around him. And even that it is a sure thing that he will be leaving us in a very short time, but I dun feel so sad now though the time is nearing. It’s not because I have come to terms with it, but I guess it’s because I can see that he is not in as much pain now compared to the last few days; And also for the fact that I am given a chance to sit by his side, and be close to him…. When he goes, part of me will go with him… But I will be strong and live my life to the fullest. Achieve the best I can. So that when he is up there looking down, he will be proud of me…
IcYb3|| counted
snowflakes at 1:39 PM
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